Towny My apology to everyone

Discussion in 'Discussion' started by daman540, Mar 14, 2019.

  1. daman540

    daman540 Well-Known Member

    Jan 23, 2018
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    Dear everyone,
    Thank you for taking the time to read this. This is for everyone on this server who have been hurt, angry, and some maybe (hopefully not) felt depressed from my actions. I am truly very sorry for my anger on the server and what I've done. I was very immature in my ways and over time I realized that my actions were, while (yes) funny to some people, were as well hurting some people. I understand some of my jokes have gotten too far and at the time didn't take the time to step in someone else's shoes' or even run what I had said back in my head. I'm not asking for forgiveness, I just want everyone to know that this behaviour I've been portraying is unacceptable. I will do my very best to treat everyone as equal and limit my anger to only in real life situations. I've been very rude to some of y'all without realizing, I've been on this server since 2015 and I know many people and because I was raised by my parents in which I already had common knowledge of somethings, such as simple questions as "What's this do." I learned most of the plugins by myself and only asked questions when I don't know how to do something after trying to find the solution for myself. I'm 18, almost 19, but yet I acted as if I was 15 most of the time. I applied for staff thinking I am ready, but I've realized that position isn't meant for an inconsiderate and irrational person that I became. I've had my regrets, but this has been the strongest. I've treated some staff, which I won't mention names, but you know who you are and to y'all, I'm regretful for my actions and I wish I didn't have done my actions in the first place. Some say I was harsh to some of the members that have held the positions as moderator (again, no names), and I see what these players meant as I'm coming to terms with what I had done. To that moderator, please know that I didn't know how young you were compared to me and I wish that instead of treating you as if you were prepared for most situations since I had dealt with similar issues as a mod on a different server. Instead of letting go of the past, I'm going to learn from my actions and rather live an honest and kind future. This is my apology to everyone, please don't accept this apology, just please read this. They say actions speak louder than words and this is all just words. The only thing I please ask from everyone is to just give me some time adjusting to a different way of playing with others.

    I applied for staff and just because I was angry with myself, for the reasons said above, I felt some rage for members of the community who got assistant. I've tried for a span of almost 3 years and even though I thought I could've been a decent candidate, I didn't think about most actions I've done that made myself instead an even worse candidate than I praised myself over.

    On a specific area of jokes that I do my upmost best to avoid is making fun of women or men. It had come to my attention that I mistakenly made a joke about women. As an individual who grew up socially conservative, I was always taught to respect everyone no matter where they come from. I take almost an hour everyday reading politics which can lead me to mishaps in my jokes. This is a subject matter when it comes to jokes I, most of the times, will do my very best to avoid. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. Whether you have or have not seen me making me jokes, please know that I take full accountability for this and I do not forgive myself for these jokes. I respect genders alike and will never again make a sexist comment or joke in the future.

    With every solution, comes an action plan. My plan first week is to soak in everything I've done in the past 4-5 years. I say 4-5 because I used to play with staff on an older server where I had met toxicbeanz, KayozF5, daphsquid, and many others from this old shutdown server. I need to come to terms with my actions from the very beginning and figure out the best approach to this. Second week: once I have figured out what I can do to improve myself during certain situations, I'm going to start implementing my new ways of being a better person. After the second week, it's just going to be consistent from then on out. Please just give me time and I promise to make myself a much friendlier and better person overall.

    I now want to thank everyone who has been tolerate and was still being kind to me. So to everyone, I want to sincerely say thank you for everything you've done for me. Personally want to mention KayozF5 for the event that happened at around 3:00 AM CT. I had a panic attack studying even though when I do study, I rarely have a panic attack. This was one of the worst since I had a vision of myself in the third person and realized the person I was becoming to everyone. When I needed someone the most, Kayoz within just two minutes came to my aid and to be very honest, I've talked to almost 20 personal friends but Kayoz helped me within just the time he took out of his life to help. Kayoz with just a little more than 30 minutes of his personal time was chatting with me about solutions when it comes to studying but when I mentioned about this unrelated issue with me and the server, it took a big weight off my shoulders. It was a come down to earth moment in which came at a surprise in which I didn't know how to deal with in healthy way. Again, thank you everyone and KayozF5.

    I want to end this letter with a thank you and a very big thank you for reading this. If you want to talk to me personally about anything that I've done, I've put my discord down below. I encourage everyone that I've hurt to please message me; I sincerely would like to talk personally one on one with you whether it be voice or texting. I will personally make sure to schedule a call with everyone who would like to call, if you want to text me, do so anytime and I will text you back as soon as I read the message.

    If you would to schedule a call with me, these are the times I can call.

    - All times are in CT (Central Time Zone)
    - All mentioned times are when I can start and end at midnight.
    Monday: 5:30 PM
    Tuesday: 4:00 PM
    Wednesday: 2:30 PM
    Thursday: 3:50 to 4:30 PM, then start again at 7:00 PM
    Friday: 10:30 AM

    Please do not hesitate to schedule. I sincerely wish with all my heart to talk with anyone and hear everything you wish to share with me. I'm all ears and look forward to chat with anyone so please text/call me. If you have trouble getting to my profile please let me know privately, in game preferred. The command to use is /mail send daman540 <message>

    Again, thank you for reading this.

    Most sincere apologies,
    IGN: daman540
    Discord: daman540#0001
    #1 daman540, Mar 14, 2019
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2019
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  2. FNPlayz

    FNPlayz Staff Member

    Jul 23, 2018
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    Thank you Daman, I'm glad to hear that you plan on becoming a better person and hope you do indeed get better!
  3. pastelnarwhal

    pastelnarwhal Moderator

    Dec 16, 2017
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    Thank you for doing this and good luck with your goal!
  4. Kayoz

    Kayoz Administrator
    Administrator System Administrator

    Jan 15, 2017
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    Hey, thanks again for posting this. Very mature, glad to see the way you're handling this whole thing :) Refreshing

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